How to keep going when it feels like your whole world is falling apart

Personal problems and dealing with ADHD

Attempting to hang on to my insanity

This month marks one year of leaving my job and choosing my own path and to say it hasn’t been easy would be an understatement. Overall things have been good on the outside I just finished my first book and was self publishing it.

The thing about self publishing though is you HAVE to get that first month correct especially on Amazon and because I didn’t have a high budget and fears continued to get in the way all I got was a feeling of failure.

“I should’ve done this” “I should’ve done that” just continues to crowd my brain like an annouying tennent you just want to kick out of the house already.

Because of my ADHD I wake up with a million things I want to do and over the past few weeks it has just been so strong that I haven’t been able to tackle them. It’s so strange because on the days where I almost fall into the action of what I need to do and zone into it I actually manage to get more work done but it’s like this on and off switch that I am honestly trying to manage within my head.

Loosing a friend

As difficult as all of this has been on a business and career perspective one of my close friends has gone missing. Someone that I have known since I was 14 years old. We lived together, cried together, we even said we would grow old together and travel the world. We would call each other sisters and soul mates because we just felt connected to each other and understood each other on a deeper level.

Over the past 2 months she hasn’t responded to any of my messages or calls and the texts don’t seem to be delivered. I messaged our close friends and they also were unable to connect with her. It’s been really difficult and it’s something that most people probably haven’t had to deal with so I’ve been in the process of grieving her absense as well as questioning if she is ok.

I actually took some time to determine if I even wanted to talk about this but the truth is things like this happen everyday and we shouldn’t turn a blind eye to it. My friend has gone missing, she could have been kidnapped and I truly have no idea what to do or even how to handle it.

Just in case anyone is going through a similar situation I found the best place to message here its a site called interpol.

Then the brain fog arrived

It may have been a mixture of coming back from traveling, just releasing my book, and having to worry about loosing a close friend but I just began to shut down. All I was capable of doing was watching TV in my room. It probably also didn’t help that the weather has been very rainy and grey so it just made me want to snuggle and be lazy.

I’m still sort of in this “what do I do next” feeling and a feeling of being somewhat lost but the best and most healing thing I can do is write about it. If it can help someone else in a similar state then that’s all I could ask for.

My purpose

I recently got ask “why do you create art?” and there are many reasons but I believe the main reason would be to express my emotions and hopefully connect and inspire other people doing it. I don’t want to sugarcoat my life, I am a human (even though I feel like an alien) and I go through emotions and phases in my life that suck and that is completely normal and I have times that feel amazing and wonderful.

Where I am right now

I think I am slowly beginning to come out of the fog while allowing myself to rest. It’s a lot of conditioning that I have been trying to break out of. We should all take a pause on life if we need it no matter what and I just want to stress how important it is to rest before going into something. Listening to my intuition is a constant learning process that doesn’t seem to end but I just hope I can learn from it and inspire people in the process.